Have you ever met someone who, upon meeting them, insists on telling you how fabulously amazing they are and how they have accomplished things no one could imagine them accomplishing? They insert irrelevant details into their narrative, and if you don’t fall under their spell, they will call you on your tone instead of your response or comments.
They are almost always the first to fling the “don’t judge me” accusation, taking a swipe at your reputation, highlighting any perceived flaws they may find in you or your character. And if you don’t fall in line with their narrative, they manipulate the situation to make things look like you’re the aggressor and being mean to them.
Over the years, I have shared with my friends who have found themselves in these situations that it’s important to listen and believe what people share about themselves. If there’s one thing you can count on, it’s that body language usually outs the person telling the fantastic stories about themselves.
When someone starts the conversation by telling you how fantastic they are, believe that they believe saying they are fantastic will make you believe they are fantastic. It’s smoke and mirrors. They do not sincerely believe they are fantastic. They are worried that you might see they aren’t all that and that you might out them as the little boy outed the emperor in the fairy tale, The Emperor’s New Clothes.

If they brag about who they know, remind yourself that those people they know may not be bragging about them. If they really know famous people or well-placed people or celebrities, they don’t need to brag about those famous people or well-placed people or celebrities because those famous people or well-placed people or celebrities have introduced them to others who may want to do business with them. If they have to brag about who they know, chances are they don’t know them. They may have met then, but they don’t know them.
Recent studies have proven that narcissism is caused by insecurity and not because someone things highly of themselves. This being the case, when you meet someone who is insecure, let them keep building themselves up in the ways that they believe work for them.
There might be something there worth considering, and there might be nothing there worth considering. Only you know whether you wish to cultivate some sort of relationship with the person who feels driven to tell you how fabulous they are.
Psychologist Jennifer Delgado writes, “People who brag a lot need to fill gaps in their identity.”
Let them do what they need to do for themselves, and you keep on doing what you need to do for yourself. Calling people out for the easily disproven stories they tell about themselves won’t do you any good in the long run and only provides the other person with material to paint you ugly while racking up sympathy points for himself or herself.
And remember, there’s a difference between dealing with someone who is insecure, someone who is a pathological liar, someone who is a manipulative liar, someone who is an intentional liar, and someone who misinterprets what they are sharing. There are lies of denial, lies of omission, lies of fabrication, lies of minimization, and lies of exaggeration.
You don’t have to shine a light on the different kinds of lies and liars that may cross your path in life. Sometimes the way to deal with them is to take them at their word and let things go.
Elyse Bruce
13 January 2023