Pronouns, non-binary pronouns, neopronouns, and personal gender pronouns (PGPs) are all the rage these days. For those who may not know, neopronouns are a new category of pronouns that is being used in place of the traditional she and he pronouns used when referring to a human being.
Examples of neopronouns are bun/bunself or kitten/kittenself for those who identify with specific animals, or vamp/vampself or prin/princess/princesself or fae/faer/faeself for those who identify with fantasy characters, or doll/dollself (whatever the doll may be) for those who identify with fashion or action figures. Of course, there’s also the somewhat popular innit/innits/innitself.
According to the Trevor project, about 25 percent of the LGBTQ community use non-binary pronouns and another 4 percent use neopronouns. In other words, around 1 in 3 people from the LGBTQ community use non-traditional pronouns. That means people, regardless of pronouns, non-binary pronouns, neopronouns, or personal gender pronouns have a 30 percent change of unintentionally insulting someone when using any kind of pronoun. That’s a pretty high percentage for insulting others, intentionally or unintentionally. It’s too high a percentage for me to be willing to take a risk on.
When someone says, “My pronouns are …” or “My non-binary pronouns are …” or “My PGPs are …” or “My neopronouns are …” I take note to always call that person by their first and last name whenever I speak to them or about them. Some people think that’s rude on my part, but it isn’t. It’s actually the most respectful way to treat them.
Recently, there was an issue at the Delta Air Lines counter with a transgender actress who was born a biological male who was was sexually attracted to females. The pronouns that person used were he/him.
In 2017, that same person decided to use they/them pronouns because they were non-binary but still sexually attracted to females.
In 2022, that person decided to identify as a transgender woman and to use the pronouns she/her and she stated she was a lesbian (sexually attracted to females).
What this means is that in the space of six years (2016 to 2022), the individual used pronouns and non-binary pronouns to self-identify and at the end of the day, that’s a lot of changes to remember for 30 percent of the people you might interact with over the course of 24 hours who may have traveled a similar path as the transgender actress did.
The person at the counter used both he/him and she/her pronouns when speaking with the individual because visually the person presented as he/him more than as she/her. When the individual stated the pronouns to be used were she/her, the person at the counter corrected the previous he/him error. The transgender actress was still offended and, having watched the attitude, copped big time attitude about the now-corrected error, and escalated the situation that was already addressed and fixed.
What this means is that fixing the issue wasn’t enough as the offense was already taken and the transgender actress was unwilling to accept the correction. Finally, the airline employee behind the counter pointed out that if the transgender actress was going to continue to harangue employees for a problem that had been addressed and corrected, the transgender actress would be asked to leave the premises. If that required being escorted off the premises, that was something the airline employee was able to facilitate for the transgender actress.
The upswing is that the transgender actress made a video of the incident, and when the transgender actress received backlash from followers regarding the transgender actress’s behavior, the decision was made by the transgender actress to delete the video. Since most of the transgender actress’s social media world disagreed with her behavior at the airline counter, she decided to delete the video as if it had never been uploaded by her in the first place.
It was possibly an attempt to buy into the age-old internet saying, “If you didn’t screenshot it, it didn’t happen” otherwise known as dirty deleting.
Before you say, “You’d feel differently if it happened to you,” you should acquaint yourself with a few facts. Because of my last name, for decades there have been people online who don’t know me in person and who disagree vehemently with something I have posted or commented on who have called me Bruce or dude. In their haste to attack, they have only seen what they wanted to see and to that end, it has resulted in being mistaken for a biological male. In return, I have patiently pointed out I am female.
I have been told I would feel differently on a topic if I was Canadian (I’m Canadian) or if I lived abroad (I have lived abroad in many countries over the years, and currently I am abroad) or if I was the parent of a child with special needs (my now adult XY child is diagnosed with autism as well as a rare, incurable, life-threatening neuromuscular autoimmune disease known as myasthenia gravis) or any number of other things that are completely wrong. So, yes, I know what it’s like to have people mistake your situation for something other than what it is.
It’s also no reason to be so defensive that what matters to you is lost because of the way you choose to react to the situation at hand. If you want to be heard, speak in ways that allow others to hear what you are saying.
But getting back to the original topic, when you hear me call someone by their first and last name, I’m not being rude or judgmental or mean. I have no way of knowing if someone who needs to point out what their pronouns or non-binary pronouns are neopronouns or PGPs are at one point in time hasn’t changed what pronouns or non-binary pronouns or neopronouns or PGPs are to be used at some point in the future.
I am not a mind-reader (I don’t even pretend to be one on stage or television) and a lot of times, presentation is such that it can be next to impossible to know what pronouns or non-binary pronouns or neopronouns or PGPs are preferred by each individual you may meet throughout any 24-hour cycle.
By using a person’s first and last names, I am making sure I don’t accidentally use the wrong pronouns or non-binary pronouns or neopronouns or PGPs when speaking with someone, and I am avoiding a long, drawn-out, completely preventable situation from becoming a dramatic escalation of outrageous proportions.
As for demiboys or demiguys or demigirls (those who may or may not identify as another gender in addition to feeling partially that other gender), that’s a topic for another day.
Elyse Bruce
2 January 2024
Elyse Bruce 
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